Who Are They?

They said to avoid Maple Avenue today.   (Who are they?  Friends?  Neighbors?  Newscasters?  Who?)

I heard the owl hoot from a tree nearby, but I couldn't see it.  (It?  The tree?  The owl?  An alien hiding in the brush?  What?)

Confusion can romp rampantly through an author's writing.  The indefinite use of pronouns is an evil demon.

English teachers across the country marking students' papers often shake their heads in the grading process and can be heard muttering, "Who are they?"  Clean up your writing and make your sentences clear by keeping the following rule in mind:

Rule:  In formal writing, avoid indefinite use of the pronouns, it, they, and you.

*Although the indefinite use of these pronouns in sentences like the following may occur in ordinary conversation, such use is not acceptable in most writing. 

1.  (Indefinite)  In this history book they refer to the Civil War as the War Between the States.
     (Better)        This history book refers to the Civil War as the War Between the States.

2.  (Indefinite)  In some nineteenth-century novels you are always meeting difficult words.
     (Better)        In some nineteenth-century novels, the vocabulary is quite difficult.

The pronouns above in the first examples have no clear antecedents. (The word to which a pronoun refers or whose place it takes is the antecedent of the pronoun.)

*Note:  Expressions such as it is snowing, it is too early, and it seems are, of course, entirely correct.

Remember to check your pronouns as you write or revise.  Make sure each pronoun has an antecedent, or otherwise, they will be coming to take you away!  

"Me and You and a Dog Named Boo..."

The opening lyrics to the famous song by Lobo begin, “Me and you and a dog named Boo, Travellin’ and livin’ off the land,” but they are incorrect.   The song ends, however, with apt advice -- “We’ve gotta get away and get back on the road again.”  Yes, we all need to get back on the road again and correct a glaring error in our speech and writing.  It's not so much a grammar rule as a rule of etiquette, along with an accepted convention of grammar.  It's considered polite to put the other person first.  (However, grammar does come into play when choosing between "me" and "I"  for the subject or objective case in a sentence.) It's not "Me and Joe are late for the meeting."  It's "Joe and I are late for the meeting." 

As in the lyrics Lobo sang, “Will power made that old car go,” we, too, need to use some will power and correct our flagrant mistake.  Ignorance is not an excuse.  Elementary children everywhere are taught this basic rule in schoolrooms across the country. It is not a difficult concept to learn to always put the other person first.  ("He gave the candy to Randy and me," not "He gave the candy to me and Randy.)
  

Too many parents seemingly do not encourage children in this day and age to be polite or to use proper language, and society perpetuates the uneducated, convoluted vernacular as witnessed by numerous television announcers, congressmen, and movie stars all caught on air saying, “Me and my friend…."  In addition,  the lyrics to many popular songs contain the same phrase.

 

Maybe some of you don’t care how you come across to others in job interviews or in conversations.  I, however, can’t sit back and take it anymore.  When one of the meteorologists in Columbus said, “Me and my family…” twice in a single broadcast several months ago, I felt it not only my civic duty to send an e-mail asking the broadcaster to correct his mistake, but I also felt compelled to continue helping other nincompoops in our country, one nincompoop at a time. 

It’s embarrassing when foreign exchange students arrive in America to study, and their English language skills are far better than that of most Americans.  We look like uneducated dummkopfs with the brains of potatoes. 

Please, if you’re guilty of saying, “Me and X… “ on an everyday basis, I’m begging you to correct this fault in your writing.  Otherwise, I may have to unleash the Special Grammar Forces with their dogs named Boo, and their tasers, to end this repugnant abuse of language.  

 Kenny Chesney – you’re up next for tasering with your song, “Me and You.”

Your Goose Is Cooked If You Use Clichés in Writing

It's never too late to learn that I've had it up to here with all of you writing cliché after cliché because it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Even if you're cliché king, you're not in the clear.  You don't have this in the bag, and you don't have a leg to stand on.  You can work your fingers to the bone with your writing, but I'm just waiting for you to wake up and smell the coffee.  You're not thinking outside the box.

Clichés are often described as "tired and worn-out expressions."  Some Clichés are comparisons:

     light as a feather
     tough as nails
     as old as the hills
     spread like wildfire

Clichés can also be other kinds of expressions:

     Have a nice day.
     last but not least
     all that jazz
     cool, calm, and collected

An expression becomes a cliché when it has become so commonly used that its original vigor has been lost.  To say that someone is "a wet blanket" was once an imaginative way of saying that person was so dull or pessimistic that he or she snuffed out the enthusiasm of others, just as a wet blanket thrown over a fire would extinguish its light and warmth.  Today the expression "a wet blanket" has been so overused that it has lost that original force.

Writers who frequently express themselves in clichés reveal they haven't made the effort to think very carefully or originally.  Almost everything you write can be improved if you examine your diction carefully to be sure you have not, unaware, picked up one of these ready-made expressions.

So, to make a long story short, get all your ducks in a row, and work like a dog to use original comparisons and expressions.  You won't be sadder but wiser; instead, you'll be pleased as punch with your improved writing.

Practice -- Replace the clichés in the following sentences with fresh comparisons of your own.

1.  The investigator turned white as a sheet.
2.  Emma is as fresh as a daisy every morning.
3.  The producer's hand was as cold as ice.
4.  Amy's eyes sparkled like diamonds.
5.  She sings like a bird.
6.  Mary is as cute as a button.
7.  In August the weather is as hot as Hades.
8.  The baby was as quiet as a mouse.  
9.  The escapee went from the frying pan into the fire.
10.  The soccer team is going down the drain.
11.  Scott has a crush on the new girl.
12.  I believe there's no time like the present.   

Are You from a Parallel Universe?

Are you from a parallel universe?  Do you already know how to express parallel ideas in the same grammatical form? 

If, in your writing world, "parallel ideas should be expressed in the same grammatical form" sounds alien to you, here are some tips for becoming a better writer by brushing up on some galactic and intergalactic grammar.  Good writing is not only clear to the reader but also correct in form.


Rule:  Express parallel ideas in the same grammatical form.

 1.  Coordinated ideas are of equal rank and are connected by coordinate conjunctions (and, but, or, nor, etc.).  For proper coordination, a noun is paired with another noun, a phrase with a phrase, a clause with a clause, an infinitive with an infinitive, a word ending in -ing with another word ending in -ing, etc.  In parallel construction, observe this principle of pairing one part of speech with another or one kind of construction with another.
 

POOR:           In the winter I usually like skiing and to skate.  (gerund paired with an infinitive)

BETTER:      In the winter I usually like skiing and skating.  (gerund paired with a gerund)

OR:                In the winter I usually like to ski and to skate.  (infinitive paired with an infinitive)



POOR:          Einstein liked mathematical research more than to supervise a large laboratory.
                     (noun contrasted with an infinitive)

BETTER:     Einstein liked mathematical research more than supervision of a large laboratory.
                     (noun contrasted with a noun)


2.  Correlative constructions are formed with the correlative conjunctions (both...and, either...or, neither...nor, not only...but also, etc.).  They should be expressed in parallel form also.

POOR:         With Ship of Fools Katherine Anne Porter proved she was talented
                       not only as a short-story writer but also in writing novels.
                       

BETTER:     With Ship of Fools Katherine Anne Porter proved she was talented
                      not only as a short-story writer but also as a novelist.
                      


I hope this grammar rule refresher will help you in your writing wherever in the galaxy you are.

How the Grinch Teaches Grammar

After a good question from a friend this week about whether to use who or which in a document referring to a group of companies, I thought others might benefit from a reminder about this rule, too.  First, here's the rule:


Who should be used to refer to persons only.  Which should be used to refer to things only.  (That may be used to refer to either persons or things.)

The rule is straightforward and simple.  The trick is remembering it the next time you have a question on whether to use who or which in your writing or speaking.  I think if you remember, "Witches ride broomsticks," you can remember a witch (which) needs a broomstick (thing) to ride.  Or, you can remember Cindy Lou Who and Betty Lou Who are the inhabitants or people who live in Whoville, so who goes with people.

Stay away from the paraphernalia wagon which is coming down from Mount Crumpit, unless Euchariah Who, who has helped before on Grinch Night, can help save the day again, and straighten out your grammar.

Here's Your Sign!

Here's your sign!  I always pay attention to signs as I drive.  This morning as I drove along one of the main thoroughfares in town, I saw the following sign posted outside a well-known local business:  "We start fresh everyday."  Is this sign grammatically correct?

If you answered "yes," you're incorrect.  The sign should say, "We start fresh every day."

"Every day" means each day.  

     Example:

     I eat Cheerios every day for breakfast.  (each day)

     She had a migraine every day for a month.   (each day)


However,  "everyday," not "every day," is used as an adjective.  "Everyday" can also be used as a noun when it means routine or ordinary day or occasion. 

     Example:

     Biting his fingernails was an everyday occurrence. (adjective)

     We use linen napkins at dinner when company is invited; otherwise, we use paper napkins for everyday. (noun meaning an ordinary day)


I hope the blog above helps my fellow writers understand the everyday use of  "every day" and "everyday" every day they use it.
    

Punctuation Humor

Thanks to "Teachers with a Sense of Humor" on Facebook